After writing the blog entry about the Spinal disorder seminar, I would like to share some personal experience about back pain.
About 3 months ago, I helped a friend move his fridge down a couple flight of stairs. He was (actually still is) remodeling his house and needed the fridge to be moved to the garage. We carried the fridge on an oversized hand truck down the stairs, him at the top, and me at the bottom. In retrospect, that may not have been the smartest thing in the world to do. Ah well.
On the last step (why does it always have to be the last step?), the fridge fell on my knuckles. In a reflex, I lifted the fridge to free my hands, alas not exactly using proper lifting techniques (and swearing quite a bit as well). The reaction of my back was immediate. I felt a sharp, unbearable pain in my low back. I couldn’t straighten my back. I was bent over, trying to catch my breath and not panic. The latter was easier said than done. Images of slipped discs and debilitating pain flashed before my eyes. I didn’t know if would be able to work again and if yes, how soon. It is pretty much impossible to perform any kind of massage with a back seized up. I cursed myself for being so stupid and for knowing better than to try to lift a whole fridge with my arms.
After I managed to quiet my initial panic reaction (when in doubt, just breathe…), I tried to assess the situation. Movement and heat seemed to help. That is good news. I didn’t feel any shooting pain in my legs, and no numbness or tingling. Another good news. That’s when I remembered that I see many people every week with all sorts of back problems. It is easy to let such intense pain take over your emotional being (at least for me). I have been privileged to witness many amazing recoveries and the amazing healing abilities of the human body. So I calmed down and remembered: I will be alright. I will recover. It might take weeks, months or (shudder) years but I will recover. I will not let the pain take over me, define me, rule over me.
This affirmation changed my outlook on the situation. The pain, the injury became an opportunity, a teacher.
Let me clarify a few things. I do not pretend to a higher ground because of this decision, nor do I think it would work for everybody. I have seen the relentless erosion work that chronic pain can have. I completely understand the feeling of hopelessness that it sometime creates and I don’t think I am actually immune from it. But this pain, although probably the worst I’ve ever felt with the exception of some raging toothaches, was different.
I have been lucky to manage to go through life without ever experiencing serious back injuries. Because of my work, I need to understand the structures and mechanisms involved in a lot of back injuries but until now could not really understand the emotional and psychological ramifications of the pain. I now understand better how profound a back injury can be. Almost all major movements initiate in our core muscles, our low back and lower abdominal muscles, from our lower Dan Tien as referred to by Tai Chi practitioners. When your back hurts, almost every movements of daily life hurt. This can really be distressing. Also, the back is perceived as the strong side of our bodies, our shell. Don’t we turn our back to protect ourselves from a potential blow? The implication of our armor, the strong side of our bodies, our shell to be injured definitely feeds a sense of insecurity, of vulnerability.
This revelation allows me to be a better bodyworker, understanding not only the mechanics of back pain but also its emotional impact on the whole person. After all, it is all connected!
As for my back injury, after about 3 weeks of intensive care by massage, yoga and contrast therapy, it is healed, as expected :).
If you are interested to learn more about the concept of pain as a teacher, I recommend you read “The Gift of Pain” by Paul Brand and Philip Yancey. Check the
booklist on my web site for more information.
